perfect picture!!!

never let go...

I was looking at some pictures and had to put this one on to share with everyone!! It is one of my favorite pictures and just brings tears to my eyes. It always amazed me how Jaden knew when his little brother was struggling and would comfort him and give him loves. This picture was taken right around when they thought Jaxson was aspirating into his lungs and thought he needed surgery. Jaden just watched him sleep and snuggled him knowing all along his little brother would be okay, once agagin. Jaden's love and protection towards his brother was something he had done since before they were born... At an ultrasound when I was about 25 weeks pregnant the boys were in a spooning position and Jaden has his arm around Jaxson and his hand placed on his shoulder. The ultrasound nurse started to tear up and said she had never seen anything like that. She said Jaden was telling Jaxson he would hold on to him and they'd make it through everything. AND THEY DID!!! I think the boys love for each other and the closeness is something very special they share and as a mom it is so amazing to watch them share it towards one another.

where is the time going??

WOW days sure are going by fast... I can't believe the boys are almost 4 months old. We had a great week and Jaxson hit some milestones!!! To start... Jaxson now can roll over too! He was very active last night and so funny to watch, he has got some very strong legs!! Dad was home and got to see him roll over for the first time which was very exciting. Jaxson loves to kick his little legs and try and move. Trevor would put his arm against his feet so he had something to push off of and he would move across the floor. I almost got tears in my eyes when our little Jaxson rolled over, he has come so far in these last four months and we couldn't be more proud of him. He also hit 8lbs!! His physical therapist came to the house today and things are still going great with him. He weighed 8lbs 1oz (up 8 oz from last week). He is still struggling with feeds a little so we got him a new Dr.Browns bottle and he has done great with it so far!! He takes his feeds much faster and isn't nearly as messy. I'm also using one on Jaden when he gets his bottle and it seems to help them not get as much air in their tummys and not be so grunty. Jaxson hasn't been on his oxygen at all for 4 days now!! Not for feeds, to sleep, or anything. He is doing so good and his breathing has just improved so much the last week. I keep his monitor off of him during the day now and he loves to be picked up and walked around, something he hasn't got to do since he's always been attached to something. He thinks it's just the coolest thing to get to move around and gets a big smile on his face. I still put his monitor on him while he sleeps at night but he stats high 90's-100 always! It is more of a comfort thing for me until I know for sure he doesn't need his oxygen anymore.

The boys are still on a pretty good schedule and it usually stays the same everyday. Jaxson loves to sleep and Jaden is starting to stay awake a little more. Sunday we went out to Mimi and Papas house and Jaden didn't take a nap all day. He did fall asleep on the way home though and didn't even budge when I put him into bed when we got home, then he slept for 6 hours! The boys still have their time of night where they think they are just absolutely starving!! It is a stressful hour but it makes it all worth it when they sleep for 4-6 hours afterwards.

Monday we took Jaxson to Elks Hearing and Balance since he failed his hearing test in the NICU also like Jaden. Jaxson can hear also!! His test took much longer since he was being a stinker. They have to be asleep to complete one of the tests and of course this is the one time Jaxson decides not to sleep... He sleeps constantly at home but we couldn't get him to fall asleep for anything!! Trevor held him and did a great job keeping him as calm as possible so they could get the test done. The lady that did it said Jaxson sure was making her work for her money that day... He may be little but he can have a feisty little attitude : ] Everything looked good and he responded great. They also did another test to see how his eardrums are moving and his right one had a flat response and she said it was because he had fluid behind his eardrum. I was a little confused how his ear drum couldn't be moving but he could still hear. She said she would fax the results over to his pediatrician and she would explain it to us better the next time we go in. The fluid should resolve on and its own and we have to hope it doesn't get infected anytime before that!! Since he has fluid in his hear so early he can be more prone to ear infections in the future. We were glad everything went great and will go back in 6 weeks to check the fluid again.

Tuesday we got out of the house for awhile and the boys enjoyed it very much. They slept most the time but were very well behaved the whole time. We went out to lunch and to Babies R Us then had to go back to the house for the boys feedings. Then we went clothes shopping since Jaden is getting so big and growing out of all his clothes! He only had a few pair of pj's that fit him and was in desperate need! He has grown out of all his newborn clothes and 0-3 months is snug. I picked him up and just stepped on the scale at home and it said he weighed 11.5 lbs! (and that was a week ago) He has got some chubby cheeks and rolls all over! I can't wait for his appointment next week to see how much he really weighs.

Last week was so hot the boys didn't get to go on many walks. We went a few times in the morning if things went well and the boys were in good moods. It was just still way too hot in the evenings. I was pretty bummed because nights seem to go so much more smoothly when they get to go on a walk and they seem to sleep better. The weather will be cooling down before we know it and I'll be saying it's too cold to go on walks....

They are such smiley babies and are so fun to be around. They both have done little giggles which were very cute but I'm sure in no time they will be giggling up a storm. They are also still loving to tell each other stories with their little squeals. Jaxson will do such a high pitch squeal sometimes it's pretty funny. Jaden will just look at him afterwards like how did you do that? It is so fun to just watch them now that they are very aware of each other and watch their facial expressions towards each other.

Overall we had a great week and happy the boys are growing big big big!!!!

Dad & the boys

Jaxson

Jaden

Mom & the boys

roll boys roll...

Jaden has rolled over!!! What an exciting moment. Little Jaxson is so close but just hasn't figured out how to get over his shoulders yet. Thursday when Jaxson's physical therapist was here she showed me how to put the boys arms underneath them during tummy time and it gives them more support to hold their heads up. So that night when I put them down for tummy time Jaden rolled over just seconds after putting his arms underneath him. He is able to get his whole head up off the ground and when he gets to rocking over he goes!! The first time he did it I was shocked, I almost wasn't expecting it! Dad missed it but Jaden rolled over twice Friday night for both of us! Jaxson prefers to try and roll over from his back to his stomach where as Jaden goes from his stomach to his back (his tummy is too big to try and pull over his body : ] ) Jaxson is so close but just needs to figure out how to get over those little shoulders of his. He will get all his body over him and then just look around like what do I do now? For now I help him the rest of the way until he figures it out on his own which shouldn't be long. The boys are starting to find their voices and "cooing" a lot more. They like to have little conversations every once in awhile and it's pretty entertaining! When they first started doing it more I would just think they were fussy and always gave them their binkys (which they took because they never turn down their binkys), but now I just let them coo for awhile until they really do get fussy. Jaden is also learning how to get his binky back in his mouth all by himself. Last night he did it twice!! Jaxson will pick it up then just wave it around for a little bit. He will try to put it in his mouth but most the time he has it backwards and it doesn't work out so well... silly boy!! I can't wait for them to start getting giggles, they are so close. They will get these really big smiles and take a breath in like they want to giggle but aren't sure how to yet. I just can't get over how big they are getting and how they are learning so many new things! Each day they get more personality and find a new way to make us laugh!
Jaxson's physical therapist was here Thursday and he weighed 7lbs 5oz (up 3oz from Tues.) We got a new physical therapist that also works with babies that breastfeed and we like her a lot! She actually worked with the boys great grandpa Dale about 5 years ago. She is very pleased with the direction Jaxson is heading and thinks his strength is great! She was working with him on his tummy and he would just lift his head up and look around for about 2o seconds like it was no problem. His mouth is still tight and we continue to do oral exercises with him. He is still doing good off of his oxygen and just mainly needs it for feeds. When he breastfeeds he does well but with a bottle he doesn't have as much control over the flow and doesn't always breathe the best so he uses his oxygen every time for his bottles! There has been a few times where I have put it back on him just so he could relax. He doesn't really de-sat much but he will just breathe a lot faster and just seems to be working too hard but once he gets back on his oxygen he is just fine.
We are so proud of our little boys and love watching them grow and thrive to learn more everyday!! We are some very lucky parents...


the boys being cute as ever!!

Great Progress

The last couple days have been great!! Jaxson had an appointment with his pediatrician yesterday and she thought he was doing so well. Last week we turned him down to 1/16 liter and he tolerated it good and stated 100 all week. She was so pleased she said we can try him off his oxygen!! We were not expecting this to happen so soon. We turned him down to 1/32 yesterday evening and did fine throughout the night! This morning we took his oxygen off and he got the cutest face!! He was wide eyed and and wasn't sure what was going on. He did great all did without it, he will ding every once in awhile but it is just short and he comes right back up. I do however put his oxygen on during his feeds otherwise he dings quit a bit. It is only at 1/32 flow when he eats but it makes a huge difference. We want him to be focused on his eating and not his breathing. He only gained 5oz in a week which is okay but we would like to see him gaining a lot more!! He was struggling with his thickened feeds because it would get so thick he couldn't get any out so I tried not thickening them and took it great. His reflex hasn't been any worse with him not getting his thickened feeds so the doctor said as long as he is tolerating it then that's fine.

Both the boys failed their hearing screens in the NICU and got refereed to Elks Hearing and Balance Center. Jaden has his appointment Monday and he can hear!! He did great during all the long tests and he passed with no concerns at all. I knew he would do just fine because he will follow our voice now and get very alert when we read to him or talk. He also can hear music from his toys and gets very interested in it. Jaxson has his appointment in two weeks and I think he will do just fine as well.

I have started taking the boys on walks at night and they love it! I thought that they would fall asleep once we started going but they both stay awake the whole time and get little smiles. It doesn't matter how fussy they are before the walk they calm right down once we start going. They are both also getting into tummy time a lot more. Jaden gets his legs and arms moving pretty good and almost looks like he's going to roll over. Jaxson is more into just picking his head up than trying to move his whole body. If he stays there for awhile he will sometimes scoot around in circle.

They both are continuing to do great at home and we love them being here with us all the time!!

Handsome Jaxson with no oxygen

Ready to go!!

Playing...

Jaden was trying to pull Jaxson closer = ]

TWINS... amaze me!

Things are still going wonderful with both the boys home!! They are both starting to get a lot of personality which is great to see. One thing I've realized is they both like to be in the same moods!! If one is hungry, the other will "get" hungry, if one is crying the other will join in, and if one decides to keep mom up all night the other wants in on it too!! It amazes me how they can change moods so fast just to be the same as each other. Jaxson follows Jaden's lead most of the time and I believe he is just trying to be like his big brother.

The weekend has been great so far!! Friday we hung out in they boys room for the day and they enjoyed it! I figured we spent the money for them to have a cute room they might as well spend some time in there. Mimi came and visited the boys yesterday before she left on the big camping trip. Both the boys were wide awake the whole time and loving the attention. Last night Dad got off work early so we watched a movie and let the boys just stay in the living room with us... BIG MISTAKE!!! I usually always move the boys into the bedroom after their 9:00 feeding and have story time and get them ready for bed and they sleep great through the night! Last night however... they didn't get moved into the bedroom until after midnight and they were not ready to go back to sleep. They were wide eyed and ready to play. I tried feeding them to get them sleepy again but they weren't having it. And of course they wouldn't just lay in their bed and be awake they had to be in bed with mom and dad. I left them in their bed at the beginning and Jaden started to cry a little so Jaxson joined in, then one would get a little louder so the other had to, they got each other so worked up all I could do is smile. what a crazy journey it is having twins!! They finally won me over and they got to stay in bed with us for awhile (turned into a few hours). They ate around 4:00 and finally went to sleep afterwards!! I was very exhausted this morning but as soon as they gave me their "good morning mommy" smiles my day was instantly better. It has been a lazy day so far since mom is very sleepy as are the boys! They did however have a good awake period this morning and enjoyed some tummy time. They are both getting stronger and doing much better.

Grandma Linda is starting to feed Jaxson some bottles so mom and dad can maybe get out and do something soon. He is doing great with his feedings and learning how to pace himself better. The only time his monitor beeps is at the very beginning when he gets going too fast and we just have to take the bottle out for a minute so he will catch his breath and slow down. Jaden of course has no problems with his bottles and takes them like he's never eaten before! Grandma Linda does great with the boys and I believe they will do just fine if mom and dad get away for a night!
I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend and we will update again soon!!!

The boys were not ready for bed!! Thankfully this night they at least stayed in bed and eventually fell asleep!! They are pretty funny laying feet to feet cuz they love to kick each other and make sure the other is still there.

Every morning I lay them next to each other and they love to snuggle up and give morning loves!!

The boys getting loves from their Mimi!

Jaden had his big bug eyes checking her out and Jaxson wanted to touch her face. CUTE!

"Guess what Mom"

Jaxson loves to tell stories!

Jaden is a chuncky monkey now!

THE HOME LIFE

snuggling up for nap time

jaxson in his swing

jaden in his swing

jaxson has some catching up to do!!!

finally coming home!!! feels great to be all together again.

It has been so wonderful having both the boys home!! Jaxson had his first appointment on Tuesday and he has gained an ounce a day!! The doctor said he looks very good and is coming right along. He has done so great on his breathing the doctor let us turn his oxyen down to 1/16 of a liter. He will have to see the doctor once a week at least for the first month to make sure everything is going good with him home.

The boys are on a pretty set schedule which makes things a lot easier!! Jaxson eats every 3 hours during the day and at night. Jaden eats every 3 hours during the day but wakes up when he wants to at night (because he is gaining weight so good I don't have to wake him up every 3 hours anymore). They usually fall right back to sleep after their 9:00am feeding and then stay awake for the afternoon. They then take another good nap after their 6:00pm feeding then are awake for the evening. They have this two hour period at night where they think they are just starving!!! They eat a little bit more at night but it's nice because then they sleep longer (besides our little jaxson, he still has to get woken up until he gets a little bigger). They usually go to bed at night between 11-12. Dad says they stay up so they can see him when he gets off work (it's probably true because they sure do miss him during the day). The boys LOVE their bouncer and swing. When they are awake they have these big huge bug eyes as they look around and check everything out, it's pretty funny. When we lay them next to each other they also get their "bug eyes" and check one another out. When they are hungry they will suck on each others hands. haha, they already are learning how to share!

We have been so blessed to have both boys home and things to be going so smoothly! We finally feel complete having our little Jaxson home with us and not having to leave him at nights. I can't believe they are already 3 months old! They have come so far and we are excited to watch them grow even bigger and stronger!!!

7 weeks old

jaxson on dad's chest at 12 weeks

jaxson on dad's chest at 1 1/2 weeks

jaden on dad's chest at 11 weeks

jaden on dad's chest 1 week

they love their daddy!!! 1 week old

mom, dad, & jaxson 1 week old

dad, mom & jaden 2 weeks old

sleeping on mom... 5 days old

holding for the first time

WHAT AN AMAZING JOURNEY!!

So I finally decided to start a Blog for our little boys Jaden & Jaxson to keep everyone updated. It has been a very long journey but we are so blessed to have brought home two healthy boys!

HERE IS OUR STORY!!!

THE PREGNANCY...
At 12 weeks we found out we were having twins and were very scared but knew everything would work out. At 17 weeks they realized the boys weren't growing at the same rate and there was about a 3 week difference in size which was not normal. We got sent to a specialist and that day they found out the boys had Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome. It is a very rare thing that identical twins get and can have very bad outcomes. They gave us several options, one of them being terminating assuming they wouldn't have the best life. That was not a choice for us. There is a surgery done on the placenta in 8 cities in the US for TTTS and we decided to go through with it. Me and my mom left that very same night to Seattle to get the surgery done ASAP! We had a very great support system that met us at the airport to pray before we left, THANK YOU ALL! Our time in Seattle ended up being longer due to some other issues they found. They realized they boys also had Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction and didn't know if the surgery would benefit them or make things worse. We stayed for the weekend while they watched things and ended up going through with the surgery Monday January 19,2009. They prepared us for our little Jaxson not to make it and let us know they did everything they could. We stayed that night in the hospital and at the ultrasound the next morning both boys had heartbeats!! What a great sound! They still warned us his chances of making it through the next two weeks were very slim. But at our next ultrasound his little heart was still beating! What a fighter. The rest of the pregnancy we had ultrasounds weekly to check the growth, fluid levels, and blood flow. It always up and down but both boys stayed stable throughout the remainder of their time in mom. At 25 weeks the boys decided they were ready to come. We were in and out of the hospital and I was on several medications for contractions. They did a FFN test to see if the boys had a high chance of coming in the next two weeks and it was positive. I just remember crying when I got the message and felt so overwhelmed but I knew God had got us this far and he knew what he was doing. On March 25 we had an appointment and my cervix had thinned out from a 3.4 to 0.3 in one week so I got put in the hospital on complete bed rest. THAT WAS NOT FUN!! But it bought us more time...

THE DAY OUR MIRACLE BABIES WERE BORN...
April 08,2009 our beautiful babies arrived at 10:53pm and 10:54pm. I had an ultrasound done that morning and Jaxson's fluid level was completely gone. They decided that if his heart rate dropped more than three times in an hour it was time to go in and get them. The doctors explained it was better to have early stable babies than to let his heart rate drop to the point it didn't come back up and have a very sick baby when they were born. He warned me I could be delivering in the next 24-48 hours. After my ultrasound it became very real to me we could be having our babies VERY SOON. Trevor left work right away to come be with me while we waited things out. I started having stronger contractions around 8:00 pm that night and Jaxson's heart rate would drop every time I had a contraction. The nurses were having me change positions constantly but nothing seemed to help. Dr.Kezolka came in the room and gave us a smile and said it was time. My heart sank as did Trevor's!!! The hardest part was when they took me back to get prepared and Trevor couldn't be there. Thankfully we had an amazing doctor and he held my hand the whole time I had to be without Trevor and kept reassuring me this is the best thing for they boys and everything would be okay. Once I saw Trevor I calmed down and knew everything would work out. It felt like forever until the boys finally arrived. Jaden came first at 10:53pm weighing 3lbs 7oz and 16 1/2in long. Jaxson came second at 10:54pm weighing 2lbs 2oz 14in long. They were so little but SO PERFECT! They stole mom and dad's hearts from the second they were born. They stabilized them in the OR room for about 15 minutes then took them to the NICU and Dad followed. I laid there by myself as I got closed up and the silence was hard. Tears started to roll down my face and many things ran through my head. Are they going to be okay? Will they make it? What are they going to do to my babies?... But I just stopped worrying myself and prayed. Prayer is an amazing thing and got me through everything. After recovery I finally got to see our precious little boys for the first time. They were small and sick but the NICU nurses were amazing from the start and we knew our boys were in the best of hands. We were both very exhausted and only spent a short time with them that night. What a wonderful day we will never forget!!

DAYS IN THE NICU...
APRIL 2009
The beginning was hard but we quickly learned we were blessed with very strong boys! Both boys were only on the ventilator for 1 day then put on CPAP. Jaden remained on that for a week and Jaxson was on it for about 3 weeks. They then were moved to nasal canallas which Jaden was on for a week and Jaxson is still currently on. He has more immature lungs and the oxygen helps him stay relaxed and grow! Both boys had pic lines that ran from their arm into their chest that they got fluids and TPN threw while they weren't getting fed. Jaden's PDA valve took 4 days to close and Jaxson's took 8 days. Jaxson's wasn't closing on it's own so they gave him medicine to help it and it closed! On April 11, 2009 we got to hold the boys for the first time and it was such an amazing moment. It was very hard not to cuddle and give kisses to your new precious children. Trevor held Jaden and I held Jaxson. We had to do skin to skin because they were still very fragile. Both the boys enjoyed it very much and we never wanted to put them back (but we had too unfortunately). For about the first month we were only allowed to hold the boys once a day so we always looked forward to it. I sat with them everyday and just watched them. It was hard to see them with so many wires hooked up to them but they were growing strong and doing great! Their first head ultrasounds came back great which was a huge blessing for us. The doctors said we got very lucky considering how early they were and all the complications during the pregnancy. Jaden wore clothes for the first time when he was 13 days old and Jaxson was 16 days old! At 2 weeks old Jaden weighed 3lbs 9oz 16 3/4in long and Jaxson weighed 2lbs 4oz 15 in long. Their first month both boys got their PIC lines out, got up to full feeds threw their ng tube, got baths for the first time, and got be held by their Grandma Linda and Mimi Kim. They boys made great progress their first month of life and changed so much! They are little fighters!!!
MAY 2009
Both boys started out with recreational breastfeeding then moved to "the real thing" this month. They both do very well with breastfeeding which is wonderful. They also got eye exams done this month (twice) and both times their eyes were immature. Their one month head ultrasounds came back normal again! Most days were good but there was a few days they had their "bad days" which made it hard on mom and dad! We knew they were tough and would make it through their struggles. At 1 month old Jaden weighed 4lbs 7oz and Jaxson weighed 3lbs 2oz (both gained a pound...GREAT). Jaden started getting all oral feeds the middle of the month, but didn't really care for his bottles. It took him awhile to get the hang of it but did just fine once he did. Jaxson's oxygen got moved down a lot this month and he made very good progress. At the beginning of the month he was on a liter and at the end of the month he was on 1/2 liter. Jaden came home on May 24 weighing 5lbs 3oz and what a bittersweet day it was! We were so excited he was coming home but it was so hard leaving our little Jaxson behind. Things got very busy once Jaden made it home and it was a little more challenging going to visit Jaxson but we still made it down there everyday!
JUNE 2009
Jaxson got changed to Homo2 oxygen at the very beginning of the month and did great with it! It is 100 % oxygen but a very low flow (this is the kind of oxygen he comes home on). Jaxson got his ng tube out several times this month but just couldn't take enough orally so he got it replaced. It took Jaxson some time to finally get the hang of taking his bottles. Once he did they thought he was aspirating into his lungs and wouldn't let him take anything orally and were thinking about doing a surgery to help with his reflex. Thankfully they didn't have to go through with it. They thickened his feeds and it has worked wonders for his reflex!!! They took his ng tube out again on June 26 and never had to put it back in!! He took all his feeds great and gained weight. Jaden did great the first month he was home and gained 3lbs!!! He is such a great baby and sleeps at night between feeds.
JULY 2009
Jaxson came home July 04,2009 after spending 84 days in the NICU! It was such a wonderful day and we are so glad to finally have both boys at home. He has done great since being home; eating well, gaining weight, breathing good (he even got his oxygen turned down already), and overall just so much more relaxed! Jaden is loving having his little brother home and they are starting to be very interested in each other! It is co cute!

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Sorry for taking so long to get the blog started but I just actually found out about blogs about a month ago! I could have wrote much more on their progress thus far but just thought a recap would okay! It has been a crazy 10 months but we wouldn't change it for anything! God knew what he was doing and he continues to bless us and our boys everyday! Great things can happen when you put your faith in God and know it is out of our control!!! We are so thankful for our miracle babies.... they are perfect!